A Picture that is Irritating

http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=52350

Go look at this picture.  Right now.  You have nothing better to do, just go.  Come back to me once you've taken a good hard look at it.  I'm not going anywhere; I'll be here when you get back.  Go on.

Did you see it?  I mean really see it?  Scary isn't it (and I don't mean the kid in the mask)?

First, let me just say that this picture does call out those luke-warm Christians  who have no cause to champion.  All Christians have been called by God, and while most have not been caused to lead the war on abortion rights, some have, and I appreciate them.  I do not believe that I personally am called to combat abortion rights.

Abortion does not continue because Christians don't care, it continues because humans have this wonderful thing called "free will."  This idea of "free will" is what allows us to love and act in compassion, but it also allows us to do other things, like stealing and indulging in chocolate.  It allows us to do things we want, like enjoying the beauty of an Appalachian sunrise or voting in an upcoming election.  Free will also allows people to get abortions, and carry signs condemning their fellow Christians for not throwing the country into chaos over what some women do with their lives.  Let's take a look into the Bible real quick.  The Bible is filled with prostitutes.  Prostitutes who were redeemed, FORGIVEN! even.  Jesus himself forgave a prostitute who would have been stoned otherwise.

You know, I think our emotions end up misplaced very easily.  We can do nothing after someone has an abortion.  Nothing we can do is going to bring that child back to life.  So what good does it do to condemn our brothers and sisters for something they have no control over?  Instead of holding up signs like these, how about we start holding ones that say: "Christians, Remember to love your neighbors!" or "Nothing can separate us from the love of God."?

This whole idea of people holding signs talking about how much "God hates YOU!" really pisses me off.  I know that there probably is a place for it, but does it seriously work?  Go look at Westboro Baptist Church, the "Christians" who protest soldiers' funerals, saying that they died to protect profanity and corruption.  How can people who have experienced the LOVE of CHRIST, condemn the world outright?  True we are called out of the law of the world, but we stay in the world to be the light.  Who in their right mind will run towards the light if all it does is condemn them.  These people tell the world that there is no loving God, there is no forgiveness, there is no abundant life, only judgment and death and condemnation.  Oh yes, that's what Christianity is ALL ABOUT!  (Please note the sarcasm.)

So, that's why these people piss me off.  Yes, they challenge us to examine our lives and consider our own apathy, which is good, but we are told to reproach our brothers in love, not judgment.

Expectations

Expectations. We all have them. We place them on ourselves and others, and others place them on us. It was during my first year of college that I realized that my entire life up to that point had been governed by others' expectations of me. For example, even though I was told from a young age "you can have whatever job you want when you grow up," what I was really being told was: "you can have any job you want as long as you make six figures a year, have a college degree, and don't have children." It's a far cry from the encouraging bullshit we all get fed as youngsters. I am just personally amazed that I fell for it for so long, mostly because I have always been told that I am quite intelligent and insightful; gullible was absent from the list.

Of course people who manipulate others' lives, even unintentionally, never want to let the victim know that they are being manipulated; because once the oppressed knows of the oppression, the oppressor loses their power. It is truly amazing how ingrained this simple oppressive force is in our everyday lives. The worse for utilizing this dominating force is elders in one's family. They always say that they have the best of intentions in mind, and often, yes, they do. However, the dialogue between human and human is instantly altered once it occurs between younger and older blood. The older wants to look out for and help the younger, while the younger just wants to learn life's lessons on their own. Truth be told, they won't retain many lessons until they learn them themselves anyway. Sad, isn't it? Anyway, time for a personal application.

As I stated earlier, up until now I have allowed my life to be run by others' expectations of me. I never realized that the primary reason I scored well in school was because I was told to; I got a job because I was told to; I acted like "the good girl" because I was told to; I even applied for college because I was told to. And most recently, I have "visited" members of my family more often this summer than an prior, because I have been told to. Truth be told, I'm sick of being told what to do with my life, especially by people who aren't living it! I mean, really! A stranger cannot tell one what to do, an acquaintance cannot tell one what do, and no more right does a family member have to tell one what to do. I am tired. I am tired of trying to please people who cannot be pleased. I am tired of trying to live up to expectation that I cannot met. I am tired.

My mind is weary. My spirit hangs by a thread. I am officially warn out, and I don't want to go on like this any more. I can't keep living a life that's not mine, defending a person who I don't know. It's no wonder why I have identity issues. I don't know who I am. How many lives am I forced to try to live out? With so many people I am obligated to try to be, which one is the real me? I don't even know who I am, what I want. And now I am just beginning to find the real me, somewhere deep inside this locked heart of mine. All I want, is to finally be me, and it seems like that's the one thing I cannot have.

Such is life, I suppose. I just want to be the typical teenager; I want to declare my independence, be my own person, live my own life, on my own. Sometimes, I guess that that is too much to ask. I don't even know anymore.