Okay, I am going to start this post with a few anecdotes. A friend of mine recently told me a story about how she thought someone was hitting on her and it freaked her out a bit. Another friend told me of two incidents in which he thought two different people were hitting on him. Yet a third friend of mine has a huge crush on this girl and is totally trying to drop hints. Friend four recently started dating a guy she worked on a drama production with. Friends five and six complain at times about their boyfriends being less than emotionally available. Friend seven is in love with someone who can never return her feelings. Friend eight cycles through boyfriends. Friends nine and ten are dating, and then not, and then again. And the list goes on.
And here I sit, listening to "Marry You" from the Glee episode "Furt" on YoutubeRepeat.
Relationships are confusing beasts. For some they offer excitement, for others they bring security. Some think that they come filled with passion. Some find them more subdued. No two are the same, no two are entirely different. But all of this "love in the air" gives me pause. With everyone hitting on everyone else, why are some people left out? I dislike throwing myself a pity party, but I have to wonder, why am I left out? (I think it would be a bad thing to list negative qualities about myself here, so I won't.)
I think, at least at the moment, that it is somewhat because I have to wait for someone else to make the first move. If someone were flirting with me, I honestly think it would go straight over my head. So until then, I am getting sick of this lovesick paranoia.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Art meets Religion: Naked Morality
The human figure has often been regarded as the highest form of subject matter in the arts, above landscapes, above the still life. Nudity in regards to the human figure in Art has been a hot button issue since the Middle Ages (or before, if you really want to argue that). The Ancient Grecian/Roman tradition states that the nude human form is something to be celebrated. In the middle ages, a nude was something shameful. The nude in Art had its rebirth in the Renaissance, again in celebratory fashion. Ever since, the argument about where the line between classical nudity and pornography has raged on.
This question of morality of the nude in Art hit home for me last year in an upper level Drawing course on figure rendering. This class was actually my first introduction to the private male anatomy that was not immediately blocked from my memory. It was here that I learned the professional detachment from and sheer aestheticism of the human figure, male or female. At this point, I figure that if the purpose of the nude is Art, then there is no perversion on the part of the artist. There were no emotions, no reactions, none of the discomfort or sense of shame that came from tracing the outline of the naked human form.
If my experience had ended there, on the side of the artist, I would have learned only one side, but I would have been happy, if yet blissfully unaware. Staying in the art program at any number of universities provides one with the most interesting of opportunities. For me, I was asked by a fellow art major to pose nude for the sake of his senior exhibition. This decision requires much deliberation and more soul searching that I would have ever guessed. I would like to take you through the short list, whirlwind tour of the thought process behind someone's decision of whether or not to pose as a nude model for the sake of art.
First, there are professional concerns, things like: this could end up in a gallery or professional portfolio. The model has to, in a sense, give up the rights to their image (literally in this personal case as the medium is photography). Am I comfortable with my peers seeing me naked, on a wall in a gallery? What would I represent by being there? What is my body going to be used to say? Will it be something I can agree with? All of these questions run through my head as an artist, and oddly enough, are answered by the character of the eyes behind the camera.
My friend, the artist, whom we will call Lloyd, is an artist in the truest sense of the word. I am very familiar with his work, and have seen how he has treated nude models in the past. He takes care not to objectify women, which is a plus for me, as a woman. Because of his professional detachment, I feel oddly at ease about my concerns with his "political" agenda.
There are more middling concerns, about the actual event of the modeling session. Does he just want to see me naked? Will he get some kind of sexual thrill out of this? Will I? Is that experience okay for the sake of Art?
My concerns on this note were honestly somewhat unwarranted. Lloyd is very open and out about his homosexuality, which eased my concerns about his possibly getting a sexual thrill out of this. Also, my being asexual and not attracted to him at all helps me to not have to worry about this situation possibly becoming sexually charged.
Finally, there are immense personal concerns. Am I comfortable enough with my body to allow someone else to see it? Take pictures of it? Don't I have too much fat? I don't fit what modern America calls "attractive."
These concerns are the ones that cannot be answered as easily as the rest, because, by nature, they can only be answered by the one asking them. I have body issues. You'd be hard pressed to find any female in America who doesn't. I have stretch marks from weight fluctuation. I am short and have breasts that are uncomfortably large for my small frame. Believe me, I am not boasting. I find nothing about me to be visual appealing or striking, but of course I'm biased. So, to get past this last hurdle, I did what the cautious part of me looses sleep over. In my mind, duty and responsibility always win out over comfort, so I said "yes." I agreed to model nude for my friends senior exhibit, because when am I ever going to get to do it again?
So, here I am, waiting for the call about "are you free to come to the lighting studio?" I've already battled second thoughts, but so far, the "ayes" still have it.
Stay tuned for the follow up post to find out how this story ends.
This question of morality of the nude in Art hit home for me last year in an upper level Drawing course on figure rendering. This class was actually my first introduction to the private male anatomy that was not immediately blocked from my memory. It was here that I learned the professional detachment from and sheer aestheticism of the human figure, male or female. At this point, I figure that if the purpose of the nude is Art, then there is no perversion on the part of the artist. There were no emotions, no reactions, none of the discomfort or sense of shame that came from tracing the outline of the naked human form.
If my experience had ended there, on the side of the artist, I would have learned only one side, but I would have been happy, if yet blissfully unaware. Staying in the art program at any number of universities provides one with the most interesting of opportunities. For me, I was asked by a fellow art major to pose nude for the sake of his senior exhibition. This decision requires much deliberation and more soul searching that I would have ever guessed. I would like to take you through the short list, whirlwind tour of the thought process behind someone's decision of whether or not to pose as a nude model for the sake of art.
First, there are professional concerns, things like: this could end up in a gallery or professional portfolio. The model has to, in a sense, give up the rights to their image (literally in this personal case as the medium is photography). Am I comfortable with my peers seeing me naked, on a wall in a gallery? What would I represent by being there? What is my body going to be used to say? Will it be something I can agree with? All of these questions run through my head as an artist, and oddly enough, are answered by the character of the eyes behind the camera.
My friend, the artist, whom we will call Lloyd, is an artist in the truest sense of the word. I am very familiar with his work, and have seen how he has treated nude models in the past. He takes care not to objectify women, which is a plus for me, as a woman. Because of his professional detachment, I feel oddly at ease about my concerns with his "political" agenda.
There are more middling concerns, about the actual event of the modeling session. Does he just want to see me naked? Will he get some kind of sexual thrill out of this? Will I? Is that experience okay for the sake of Art?
My concerns on this note were honestly somewhat unwarranted. Lloyd is very open and out about his homosexuality, which eased my concerns about his possibly getting a sexual thrill out of this. Also, my being asexual and not attracted to him at all helps me to not have to worry about this situation possibly becoming sexually charged.
Finally, there are immense personal concerns. Am I comfortable enough with my body to allow someone else to see it? Take pictures of it? Don't I have too much fat? I don't fit what modern America calls "attractive."
These concerns are the ones that cannot be answered as easily as the rest, because, by nature, they can only be answered by the one asking them. I have body issues. You'd be hard pressed to find any female in America who doesn't. I have stretch marks from weight fluctuation. I am short and have breasts that are uncomfortably large for my small frame. Believe me, I am not boasting. I find nothing about me to be visual appealing or striking, but of course I'm biased. So, to get past this last hurdle, I did what the cautious part of me looses sleep over. In my mind, duty and responsibility always win out over comfort, so I said "yes." I agreed to model nude for my friends senior exhibit, because when am I ever going to get to do it again?
So, here I am, waiting for the call about "are you free to come to the lighting studio?" I've already battled second thoughts, but so far, the "ayes" still have it.
Stay tuned for the follow up post to find out how this story ends.
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