Lovesick Paranoia

Okay, I am going to start this post with a few anecdotes.  A friend of mine recently told me a story about how she thought someone was hitting on her and it freaked her out a bit.  Another friend told me of two incidents in which he thought two different people were hitting on him.  Yet a third friend of mine has a huge crush on this girl and is totally trying to drop hints.  Friend four recently started dating a guy she worked on a drama production with.  Friends five and six complain at times about their boyfriends being less than emotionally available.  Friend seven is in love with someone who can never return her feelings.  Friend eight cycles through boyfriends.  Friends nine and ten are dating, and then not, and then again.  And the list goes on.

And here I sit, listening to "Marry You" from the Glee episode "Furt" on YoutubeRepeat. 

Relationships are confusing beasts.  For some they offer excitement, for others they bring security.  Some think that they come filled with passion.  Some find them more subdued.  No two are the same, no two are entirely different.  But all of this "love in the air" gives me pause.  With everyone hitting on everyone else, why are some people left out?  I dislike throwing myself a pity party, but I have to wonder, why am I left out?  (I think it would be a bad thing to list negative qualities about myself here, so I won't.)

I think, at least at the moment, that it is somewhat because I have to wait for someone else to make the first move.  If someone were flirting with me, I honestly think it would go straight over my head.  So until then, I am getting sick of this lovesick paranoia. 

Stuck in Traffic?

The vast majority of people I know hate getting stuck in traffic.  Some of my co-workers will stay at work, off the clock to avoid running into busy school bus routes.  Some of my classmates will leave over a half an hour early to avoid lunch hour congestion to travel through downtown.

While I will often give myself plenty of time to get from point A to point B, it is generally never to avoid.  On the contrary, it is to allow for time "wasted" sitting in traffic.  Whether it's on I65 heading to work, I64 to or from school, or just local roads heading across town, somehow or another, I always end up spending time stuck in traffic.  So, aside from planning on, and jamming to the radio, I have discovered a number of ways to get through those long moments when one can't to anything but stare at the same three license plates.

So here are some of the things I do, to keep patience and not get overly frustrated with time lost in transit:

1) Turn off the radio and look out at the horizon.  Taking in the beauty of the moment often serves to help take my mind off of the fact that I have moved three feet in the past five minutes.  Look at the trees or buildings.  Take a few moments to cloud-watch.  Check out the stars, if you're caught in night road construction. 

2) People watch.  Now, obviously be careful because heavy traffic is often prime-time to run into someone experiencing road-rage, so don't make eye contact with someone visibly irritated.  Instead, look at some of the makes and models of cars around.  Imagine who these people might be and where they are going, or what they are leaving.  The man in the Volkswagen just in front of you may be a frugal middle-class businessman who's fallen on hard times.  Maybe he needs prayer because he was recently laid off and his wife is threatening to leave him because he can't support her and their two children on his unemployment check.  Just people watch and imagine some scenarios.

3) Take some time to pray.  I know it may sound odd, but picture God sitting in the seat next to you.  Tell Him about your day, your relationships, your dreams.  Ask Him questions like "God, what do you think about last night's news?  I know that story about Pakistan was really depressing, but there has to be some good in that part of the world, right?  You know, I think I heard something about missionaries going over to help feed some of those starving children.  Thank You for those people." Speak to Him out loud; it makes it more real, at least for me.  And don't worry about if other people are looking at you funny, they think you're singing along with the radio.

So next time you find yourself stuck in traffic, don't get frustrated, practice love.  Practice the presence of God, and remember, at least this traffic jam is not going to last for 9 days like this one in China: 

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20100823/sc_afp/chinaroadtraffic

Biblical Sexualities: part 4

In this series on Biblical perspectives on the various sexual orientations, we have come to a certain end. By an end, I mean to say that I have covered the vast majority of sexualities (with the exception of Poly-sexuality, but the argument about Pan-sexuality pretty much can cover that as well). However, for those of you who were astute enough to notice, there is another piece to this puzzle. (Actually, there will be a part 5, but you can find out what that is going to be tomorrow.) Currently, the missing piece is: the lack of sexuality.

Asexuality

A definition might be in order for everyone who is unfamiliar with Asexuality, and think I'm talking about people who reproduce by budding. Someone who is Asexual generally does not feel sexual attraction towards anyone: men, women, trans, androgynous, etc. This is not to say that they cannot fall in love, as many have what are known as "romantic drives." Also, many Asexuals also have a sex drive, it just is not tuned towards any orientation. Also, Asexuality is not Celibacy, though I will briefly discuss both here. Many, but not all Asexuals, find the act of sexual intercourse to repulsive, which could honestly make a celibate lifestyle easier, should one choose that lifestyle. But anyway, let's talk about the Bible and eunuchs.

Matthew 19:10 "The disciples said to him, 'If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.' 11 Jesus replied, 'Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.'"

Now, obviously this passage talks about celibacy, but it can provide us some insight to how the Bible views Asexuality. Being Asexual is like someone being born a eunuch, (not really, but for the sake of comparison, roll with it). One who was born a eunuch may still feel a romantic attraction, but due to lacking the capability to make certain hormones from birth, may never have experienced sexual attraction. They can still to valuable Kingdom work, and just as back in the contextual times, there were certain tasks only given to eunuchs, there are certain things that Asexuals can do more easily because they lack what Paul later calls the "distraction" of sexual desire.

1 Corinthians 7:"8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.". . .
"27 Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. 29 What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none". . .
"32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the LORD's affairs--how he can please the LORD. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world--how he can please his wife-- 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the LORD's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the LORD in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the LORD."

Okay, so it is better never to marry. In fact, don't just not ever marry, don't seek to be married or locked in a consensual relationship because you're actually going to care about your spouse/ significant other. There is a bit of sense here though, concerning the risk of placing your spouse above God in your life.

As stated previously, Paul is primarily talking about celibacy, but it also has insight into the life of an Asexual. By not giving into sexual desire, one is better able to focus on other things, in Paul's case: spreading the gospel. So, while in Mathew, we see that the Bible tells us that choosing celibacy for the Kingdom of Heaven is to be preferred over all, but Paul's extrapolation tells us that Asexuals are not to be put down just because they may find it easier to focus on Kingdom work. Now, I'm not saying that Asexuals are preferred by God, because it was made clear that chosen celibacy is preferred, at least according to Paul.

So, yeah. One more installment, stick around until tomorrow night and find out what the last edition is.

Biblical Sexualities: part 3

What did the American Psychological Association consider to be a mental disorder until 1973? What do many fundamentalist Christians, including Dr. James Dobson, believe can still be cured? That's right; today I will be discussing homosexuality.

Homosexuality

Okay, this short essay is going to be set up a little differently. I will be addressing each verse dealing with homosexuality one at a time, starting with the story or Sodom and Gomorrah in Genesis 19.

"v4 Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom--both young and old--surrounded the house. 5 They called to Lot, 'Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them.' 6 Lot went outside to meet them and shut the door behind him 7 and said, 'No, my friends. Don't do this wicked thing. 8 Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them. But don't do anything to these men, for they have come under the protection of my roof.'"

These verses are generally pointed to when someone wants to use the Bible to condemn homosexual acts. That view however, overlooks an even more grievous crime (in context of the time): disrespecting the laws of hospitality towards guests. The ancient Hebrews, like many ancient civilizations, had strict standards regarding how guests are to be kept. Hosts took them into their homes, provided them with the best meal they could, and let them sleep under their protection. If a guest broke a law in the town, it was often the host's responsibility to pay. Lot offered up his two daughters to the crowd because public multiple rape was less of an atrocity than violating guests.

Romans 1:25-27: "25 They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator--who is forever praised. Amen. 26 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion."

Now here, Paul talks about men "being given over to shameful lusts." He talks about exchanging natural relations for unnatural ones, but he also says than each receives their due penalty for their perversions. Now, from a human standpoint, and also taking into account other passages (Romans 14) discussing stumbling blocks, if each person holds an account of their own perversions, do they really need me breathing down their necks telling them that what I believe says they're wrong? No, they've got enough to deal with considering that they're still openly persecuted. As I mentioned in the last edition, Homosexual people need love, just like any of the rest of us.

Leviticus 18:22 "Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable."

This is the big one now isn't it? Paul also discusses in later in his epistles. The funny thing is that people seem to forget that this law is written down with others like "don't eat a calf in it's mother's milk." Now each of these Levitical laws had it's place in the day they were written. Due to the technology of the time, it was dangerous to eat most of the animals because of communicable diseases. Many of the laws governing sexual relations had the purpose of preventing common incestuous birth defects and disrespectful affronts to elders in the family. At the time, reputation was key to political influence and honor was what made and kept the family. It was highly dishonorable to one's family to sleep with a close relative or someone of the opposite sex. (Also, and no disrespect to the homosexual community here, but many diseases have often been associated with homosexual relationships [AIDS], which gives this passage more credibility being placed besides laws governing food to control diseases.)

Now to deal with Paul and his epistles dealing with sexual immorality. First, we must remember that Paul was trained as a Pharisee, which mean that he had grown up learning all of the classical Jewish law: the Laws of Moses. Christ himself tells us that we are no longer bound under the law (but if we love Him we will keep His commandments). Most Bible scholars have no problem with saying that the laws we are freed from include the Levitical food laws, but not the Levitcal sexual laws. Now, does that sound like picking and choosing to anyone else? Paul is advocating the laws he learned; preaching Jewish laws to a Gentile community, because that's what he knows. No one is going to fault him for deferring to what is familiar, we all do it. However, there are also reasons why "sexual immorality" is not so desirable, including various health reasons. AIDS is most prominent among gay men, therefore one good way to keep yourself free from AIDS is to avoid sexual contact with gay men. That's not to say that just because a man is homosexual means he has AIDS or is a person not to be associated with. On the contrary, I have many gay friends who do not have any STDs and they are quite intelligent and good friends.

In conclusion, as I've stated before, seeking love is not a sin. No one should be put down because they want to feel loved, but we should all remember that true love first came from God and there are reasons behind the commandments He gave us.

Biblical Sexualities: part 2

"What is 'The Kinsey Scale?'

The Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale, sometimes referred to as the “Kinsey Scale,” was developed by Alfred Kinsey and his colleagues Wardell Pomeroy and Clyde Martin in 1948, in order to account for research findings that showed people did not fit into neat and exclusive heterosexual or homosexual categories." (http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/research/ak-hhscale.html)

Bisexuality and Pan-sexuality

Bisexuality and Pan-sexuality, in Biblical terms are a bit harder to deal with because they are orientations never specifically mentioned. On the other hand, hey may also be the easiest to deal with, because they are rather nonspecific. What I mean to say, is that Bisexuality and Pan-sexuality are much more fluid that strict heterosexuality or strict homosexuality. People who identify as Bisexual claim to be attracted to both males and females; Pan-sexuals are attracted to people regardless of gender (consider it as being attracted to men, women, transsexuals, neutrois, the androgynous, etc.).

First let's deal with Bisexuality only; life is easier this way. Okay, to begin with, the Bible never actually mentions bisexuality. The problem is that the Bible discusses Heterosexuality favorably (arguably, as discussed in the previous edition), and Homosexuality unfavorably (as we will discuss in the next edition). Because Bisexuality spans both Hetero- and Homosexuality, it is a bit unfair to say that the Bible either condones or condemns Bisexual behavior. It would be arguably more accurate to claim that the Bible smiles upon those who engage in heterosexual behavior, yet frowns on those who engage in homosexual behavior. Therefore, could it be said that the Bible does not frown on Bisexuals who date those people of the opposite sex? On the opposite hand, few fundamentalists would disagree if I said that the Bible DOES frown upon Bisexuals who date those of the same sex.

So, as long as Bisexuals deny, discipline, and/or try to overcome half of their sexuality, they pass under the radar, because as far as anyone knows, they are functionally Heterosexual.

Now, Pan-sexuality is a slight bit harder to deal with. In an effort to better illustrate some issues that are exclusive to Pan-sexuality, let me tell two short, real (as in they've actually happened) stories. First, an example from my own life:

I was in a relationship with a man for over four years and most everything was good and pretty much normal. This was, until my boyfriend informed me that he has come to terms with his being transgendered. He was a woman in a man's body. She has now legally changed her name and begun hormone therapy. Hypothetically, had we continued dating, would that have constituted Homosexuality, because she is now technically female?

Another story, in which I will change the names to protect the innocent, begins with a friend of mine from school. Meagan began talking to this guy on the internet. She liked him and he liked her, and everything was fine and normal. This was, until Richard told Meagan that he was transgendered. He was born female, but had now been through the whole process of hormone therapy and is male except for the actual sexual reassignment surgery. Because Richard was born female, does his dating a woman constitute Homosexuality?

As food for thought, I would pose these questions. Are these events the same? Do they really constitute events of Homosexuality/ same sex Pan-sexuality? Is dating someone who is transgendered/neutrois defined under the blanket term of sexual immorality?

These people are not unlovable. In fact, they need the love of God just like everyone else, perhaps even more so. Perhaps there is a reason that there are people who are willing to seek love in any format. There is no sin in wanting to be loved.

The Loving Embrace

Reading through the four gospels and the book of Acts, I have become amazed. Amazed at the life of Christ and His disciples. For the first time ever, I actually listened to the words of the Lord, and now I understand, at least more than I ever have before, the enormity of God's love for His Creation. And, I have also concluded, as I read in Crazy Love, by Francis Chan (see www.crazylovebook.com) that if one is a follower of Christ, a true Christian, then there in no such option as being "lukewarm." Being a Christian, having a relationship with the living God, falling in love with the lover of our souls, means having a raging fire in our hearts. It's looking at stories of what the world calls "radicals," the men who died for their faith, and seeing a nation truly committed to living out their love for a God who gave up His throne, and lived out a mortal life for us, His beautiful Creation gone awry.

Love is powerful, that's the way it was designed. There is a saying that goes something like: you always to crazy things when you're in love. I mean, when you love someone, truly love them, you can't stop thinking about them. All you want to do is spend time with them; you go out of your way to lavish your feelings on them. Why do we treat our relationship any differently? It is neither right nor fair. Think about all God has done for us. He created the whole Earth, and everything in it: all creatures, all life, every cell in our bodies. He has done more for us that any person could ever do. He has lavished a love beyond our very comprehension, a love we cannot possibly repay. Why are we so hesitant to attempt to spend our love on Him? Really?

Expectations

Expectations. We all have them. We place them on ourselves and others, and others place them on us. It was during my first year of college that I realized that my entire life up to that point had been governed by others' expectations of me. For example, even though I was told from a young age "you can have whatever job you want when you grow up," what I was really being told was: "you can have any job you want as long as you make six figures a year, have a college degree, and don't have children." It's a far cry from the encouraging bullshit we all get fed as youngsters. I am just personally amazed that I fell for it for so long, mostly because I have always been told that I am quite intelligent and insightful; gullible was absent from the list.

Of course people who manipulate others' lives, even unintentionally, never want to let the victim know that they are being manipulated; because once the oppressed knows of the oppression, the oppressor loses their power. It is truly amazing how ingrained this simple oppressive force is in our everyday lives. The worse for utilizing this dominating force is elders in one's family. They always say that they have the best of intentions in mind, and often, yes, they do. However, the dialogue between human and human is instantly altered once it occurs between younger and older blood. The older wants to look out for and help the younger, while the younger just wants to learn life's lessons on their own. Truth be told, they won't retain many lessons until they learn them themselves anyway. Sad, isn't it? Anyway, time for a personal application.

As I stated earlier, up until now I have allowed my life to be run by others' expectations of me. I never realized that the primary reason I scored well in school was because I was told to; I got a job because I was told to; I acted like "the good girl" because I was told to; I even applied for college because I was told to. And most recently, I have "visited" members of my family more often this summer than an prior, because I have been told to. Truth be told, I'm sick of being told what to do with my life, especially by people who aren't living it! I mean, really! A stranger cannot tell one what to do, an acquaintance cannot tell one what do, and no more right does a family member have to tell one what to do. I am tired. I am tired of trying to please people who cannot be pleased. I am tired of trying to live up to expectation that I cannot met. I am tired.

My mind is weary. My spirit hangs by a thread. I am officially warn out, and I don't want to go on like this any more. I can't keep living a life that's not mine, defending a person who I don't know. It's no wonder why I have identity issues. I don't know who I am. How many lives am I forced to try to live out? With so many people I am obligated to try to be, which one is the real me? I don't even know who I am, what I want. And now I am just beginning to find the real me, somewhere deep inside this locked heart of mine. All I want, is to finally be me, and it seems like that's the one thing I cannot have.

Such is life, I suppose. I just want to be the typical teenager; I want to declare my independence, be my own person, live my own life, on my own. Sometimes, I guess that that is too much to ask. I don't even know anymore.